Intentional use of your imagination and EFT tapping for conflict resolution

*Visit CreativeEFT.com to download the free .pdf of this tutorial

This is a process to work through before you talk to the person with whom you have an issue or conflict. Using this gentle imaginative process, you’ll be helping to resolve some things internally and change the energy so that you can bring clarity and good will to your interaction. [Note: You will need a knowledge of basic EFT before moving ahead with this.]

Part 1: Creating ‘Sacred Space’ and Tending to Your Feelings

• Imagine an inner meeting place that would feel comfortable for meeting this person. Imagine all the details (i.e a fire circle, a place in the woods, an enclosed room with large windows, etc.)
• Begin by allowing yourself to be the only one there. It’s not time for them to arrive yet.
• Get in touch with your feelings and give voice to your feelings. How do you even feel about being here and dealing with this? Begin by using “I” statements and tapping while you express each feeling…
• When you’re ready, shift to “you” statements. Now your inner space becomes a sounding room. No one will be harmed as you let your feelings flow. Remember, tap as you are feeling what you’re feeling…

For Example:

“Even though you did this and you really hurt me… that’s how I feel… and I’ll feel it as long as I need to…”

“Even though I’m ready to heal, you really hurt me… that’s how I feel…”

• Stay with Part 1 until your feelings have calmed and you don’t feel so intense anymore. Are you almost ready to invite them in?

Part 2: Inviting the Other Person In

• Start slowly — you may need to tap for your feelings about inviting them in.
• Imagine the person coming in. How do they look? What are your feelings about them now? At this point, what do you feel about him or her? Talk and tap on these feelings…

For Example:

“Even though she really hurt me and I don’t trust her yet… maybe it’s time to bring some healing to this…. but I still don’t trust her… she really hurt me…”

“Even though she looks sad and that makes me feel guilty, I can feel all my feelings without judgment…. I want to heal this in me… this guilt, etc.”

• How are you feeling now? Take plenty of time to get in touch with all your feelings about this person and keep tapping. Is the image of them changing as you tap?
• Only if and when you feel ready, begin to shift to considering their point of view. This may allow you to naturally consider what may have been happening for them, considering what you know about their history and their woundedness? If you feel ready to do this, you can imagine stepping over behind them and looking at things from their point of view for a moment. What’s coming up for you as you even consider doing this? What do you feel as you let in some of their point of view? How are they seeing you? How does that feel to you?

If you do find yourself feeling empathy, you can affirm that with tapping:

“Even though all this happened, I can see how it was hard for you…”

Is anything changing in the way they look? Are they making eye contact or wanting to connect yet? Stay with Part 2 until you feel clear and ready to communicate. Then invite them to have a peaceful talk with you. Remember that you’re working with your willingness to connect. It’s not even about them. It’s how they’re showing up internally for you — due to your feelings.

Part 3: Reconnecting with the other person – Speaking your truth – Peaceful Resolution

What setting would you like for your reconnection in this world of the imagination? Imagine that the room can now transform into the perfect meeting place — or open up to the great outdoors if you would prefer to meet them in a nature setting.

You could sit down to tea together.

You could take a walk together.

You could curl up on opposite ends of a couch facing each other.

Use your imagination.

Really imagine them with you in that setting. How does that feel? What do you notice? Do you need to tap for any feelings before speaking? Then:

Speak from the Heart

Take your awareness into your heart and let yourself speak from the heart. What is your truth, from the heart? Be clear, direct, honest and kind. If you need to set a boundary, make it clear. You can do continuous tapping while talking, if you like.

What is happening between the two of you? How does that make you feel? Is there anything more you need to say that you maybe haven’t expressed?

You may wish to imagine the person’s response. If this feels charged emotionally, you can do some tapping. Our fear of their response is part of our emotional reality. If you do invite their response, take plenty of time to tap for your feelings.

Notice what’s coming up for you.

Perhaps you are able to get in touch with what you share in common and what you love and appreciate about this person

Has this person been important to you? What do you share? How do you connect? What do you treasure about them?

Can you allow this feeling of love and appreciation into your heart?

Consider finding a symbol or image for this reconnection.

Imagine any or all of the following:

How does it look to reconnect from the heart? Does a picture or image come to mind?

What image or object would symbolize the connection you’ve had in the past?

Maybe you would like to give them a gift as a symbol of reconnection. What would that be?

During Part 3, you can tap anytime, in anyway that feels right. You can express your more positive feelings while tapping.You can tap in the symbols.

“Even though we had that painful disconnect, I offer you this book of poetry as a symbol of our reconnection. I love sharing these kinds of things with you…. that painful disconnect… but let’s share things again…”

It’s also possible that your new clarity may be leading you to set a stronger boundary or step back from the connection. If so, consider finding an image for a peace offering as your connection with this person changes…

Peaceful Resolution

• What are your feelings now?
• What is the quality of the energy that you’ll bring to the real-world communication?
• Do you have clarity? Will you need to set a boundary?
• What is your clear and loving intention for the interaction now?

What will you take into the world from this experience?

We like to end an inner theater process by making a connection between the inner world and the outer world.

You may want to imagine that you can draw the final meeting place into your heart, with its feelings of peaceful resolution, and carry that vision of reconnection into your real-world interaction.

It is, of course, a good idea to make notes on the truths that emerged when you spoke from the heart. While you may not say these exact words to the other person, they provide a pure and clear intention that will help you stay on track.

Finally, you may wish to watch for how the symbols or images of reconnection show up in your life in the few days after the process. You may feel drawn to obtaining the real object and may wish to keep it as a symbol of the peaceful resolution you envision. You could even take a real-world version with you to the interaction with the person you’re dealing with. Whether you share it with them or not, the object would be a powerful focus for your peaceful energy and intentions of good will.

Whatever you do, we wish you the best results. We believe that the inner work of dealing with your feelings and envisioning a peaceful resolution is the best and highest offering you can bring to anyone after a conflict.

We wish you much peace.
Jade and Betty

Do recurring images or memories from the past nonchalantly, but insistently rise to the surface of your awareness? Do you expend a certain level of energy avoiding thoughts around a particular memory from years ago? Do you feel guilt or shame around any aspect of your past?  Do you keep bumping into the same kinds of challenges again and again? Do you suspect that you may be numbing yourself with food or other substances to avoid persistent “old” feelings? Do you find yourself, as Alanis Morrisette reminds us, repeating the same unfortunate relationship patterns “all over again with somebody else?”

If any of these statements resonate for you, you may surprised to learn that making peace emotionally and energetically with specific past events  can significantly alter your present experience. As you remove the charge from these feelings that remain in your energy system now,  you will feel better – and find yourself better able to approach life with more ease and confidence!

Researchers are learning that trauma is held in our bodies, which is why talk therapy alone cannot completely clear the effects of past events from our present experience. How might you be carrying the past with you into your now in unfortunate ways?  The EFT approach does not involve reliving past trauma in any way. It does require a gentle exploration, and while it is exceptionally helpful to have a skilled EFT professional on your team, you can achieve great results on your own.

So, how?

Using an EFT strategy called The Personal Peace Procedure (created by EFT pioneer Gary Craig), you can begin to address those lingering past events and feel immediate relief. This process involves naming and writing down events or feelings from the past, giving them a short name (i.e “got yelled at, felt bad”), assigning an intensity level (0-10) to the event, then applying EFT systematically to each specific event. There may even be fear or reluctance around approaching these events. Under normal circumstances, these fears can be named and handled as well as long as it feels safe to do so. If for any reason you are not comfortable exploring these emotions on your own, please consult a licensed therapist or a skilled, heart-based EFT professional.

I tend to ask people to approach the Personal Peace Procedure very organically, in the greater context of noticing images from the past, people from the past or feelings about past events as they rise into your awareness over the course of a day.  This is your body talking to you! And it may be the first time you have allowed yourself to listen in this particular way. Especially if you’re feeling bad, notice what you’re seeing / feeling / remembering, give it a title and write it down in a special notebook. There may be several things about this memory or time that bother you. Write them all down. For many of us, noticing (and acknowledging) what is passing through our minds at any given time is quite a new experience.

When you are ready to work with some of these events, pictures or feelings, make some time for yourself:

• Light a candle
• Turn off your cell phone
• Set a timer if you have one, any length of time is ok
• Bring out your journal or notebook (the one you have been using to give all these previously unnoticed and unexplored parts of your life the deserved attention!)
• Begin applying EFT to one event (or group of related feelings/events) per day, bringing them as close to “0″ as they will go.
• Do approach these events in your own time and in your own way, gently tapping until the intensity level subsides.
• Notice your progress, write down a new number that represents where you are with this particular event / feeling / issue now…

As you work through this, your days may begin to feel somehow lighter and clearer. Congratulations, you are making peace with your past in a beautiful way!  You may begin to feel surprisingly relieved in ways you never thought possible. Notice, for example, how your relationship with your partner feels easier, even though he/she did not necessarily sign up for change!  Make a note of any positive shifts in your experience. The better you feel, the more you will make more time to visit this process again.

Tips for helping yourself more effectively:

If you could live life over again, is there anything you would prefer to skip? What about this event still bothers you?

These are excellent questions for getting more specific!

If this part of your life was a movie, how long would it be?  What is the title? Who are the characters? How do you feel about watching it?

Break the movie up into small scenes (5-10 seconds long) and visit each “crescendo” of feeling, allowing yourself to get very specific…

If you are only getting a few visuals, what are they?  How do you feel about witnessing them?

Getting more curious? Check out The EFT Experience: Episode 6 for a step by step demonstration how EFT can be used for greater Personal Peace.

much peace,
Jade