EFT For Loving Communication & Peaceful Resolution

A 3-Part EFT and Inner Theater tutorial by Betty Moore-Hafter and Jade Barbee

Intentional use of your imagination and EFT tapping for conflict resolution

*Visit CreativeEFT.com to download the free .pdf of this tutorial

This is a process to work through before you talk to the person with whom you have an issue or conflict. Using this gentle imaginative process, you’ll be helping to resolve some things internally and change the energy so that you can bring clarity and good will to your interaction. [Note: You will need a knowledge of basic EFT before moving ahead with this.]

Part 1: Creating ‘Sacred Space’ and Tending to Your Feelings

• Imagine an inner meeting place that would feel comfortable for meeting this person. Imagine all the details (i.e a fire circle, a place in the woods, an enclosed room with large windows, etc.)
• Begin by allowing yourself to be the only one there. It’s not time for them to arrive yet.
• Get in touch with your feelings and give voice to your feelings. How do you even feel about being here and dealing with this? Begin by using “I” statements and tapping while you express each feeling…
• When you’re ready, shift to “you” statements. Now your inner space becomes a sounding room. No one will be harmed as you let your feelings flow. Remember, tap as you are feeling what you’re feeling…

For Example:

“Even though you did this and you really hurt me… that’s how I feel… and I’ll feel it as long as I need to…”

“Even though I’m ready to heal, you really hurt me… that’s how I feel…”

• Stay with Part 1 until your feelings have calmed and you don’t feel so intense anymore. Are you almost ready to invite them in?

Part 2: Inviting the Other Person In

• Start slowly — you may need to tap for your feelings about inviting them in.
• Imagine the person coming in. How do they look? What are your feelings about them now? At this point, what do you feel about him or her? Talk and tap on these feelings…

For Example:

“Even though she really hurt me and I don’t trust her yet… maybe it’s time to bring some healing to this…. but I still don’t trust her… she really hurt me…”

“Even though she looks sad and that makes me feel guilty, I can feel all my feelings without judgment…. I want to heal this in me… this guilt, etc.”

• How are you feeling now? Take plenty of time to get in touch with all your feelings about this person and keep tapping. Is the image of them changing as you tap?
• Only if and when you feel ready, begin to shift to considering their point of view. This may allow you to naturally consider what may have been happening for them, considering what you know about their history and their woundedness? If you feel ready to do this, you can imagine stepping over behind them and looking at things from their point of view for a moment. What’s coming up for you as you even consider doing this? What do you feel as you let in some of their point of view? How are they seeing you? How does that feel to you?

If you do find yourself feeling empathy, you can affirm that with tapping:

“Even though all this happened, I can see how it was hard for you…”

Is anything changing in the way they look? Are they making eye contact or wanting to connect yet? Stay with Part 2 until you feel clear and ready to communicate. Then invite them to have a peaceful talk with you. Remember that you’re working with your willingness to connect. It’s not even about them. It’s how they’re showing up internally for you — due to your feelings.

Part 3: Reconnecting with the other person – Speaking your truth – Peaceful Resolution

What setting would you like for your reconnection in this world of the imagination? Imagine that the room can now transform into the perfect meeting place — or open up to the great outdoors if you would prefer to meet them in a nature setting.

You could sit down to tea together.

You could take a walk together.

You could curl up on opposite ends of a couch facing each other.

Use your imagination.

Really imagine them with you in that setting. How does that feel? What do you notice? Do you need to tap for any feelings before speaking? Then:

Speak from the Heart

Take your awareness into your heart and let yourself speak from the heart. What is your truth, from the heart? Be clear, direct, honest and kind. If you need to set a boundary, make it clear. You can do continuous tapping while talking, if you like.

What is happening between the two of you? How does that make you feel? Is there anything more you need to say that you maybe haven’t expressed?

You may wish to imagine the person’s response. If this feels charged emotionally, you can do some tapping. Our fear of their response is part of our emotional reality. If you do invite their response, take plenty of time to tap for your feelings.

Notice what’s coming up for you.

Perhaps you are able to get in touch with what you share in common and what you love and appreciate about this person

Has this person been important to you? What do you share? How do you connect? What do you treasure about them?

Can you allow this feeling of love and appreciation into your heart?

Consider finding a symbol or image for this reconnection.

Imagine any or all of the following:

How does it look to reconnect from the heart? Does a picture or image come to mind?

What image or object would symbolize the connection you’ve had in the past?

Maybe you would like to give them a gift as a symbol of reconnection. What would that be?

During Part 3, you can tap anytime, in anyway that feels right. You can express your more positive feelings while tapping.You can tap in the symbols.

“Even though we had that painful disconnect, I offer you this book of poetry as a symbol of our reconnection. I love sharing these kinds of things with you…. that painful disconnect… but let’s share things again…”

It’s also possible that your new clarity may be leading you to set a stronger boundary or step back from the connection. If so, consider finding an image for a peace offering as your connection with this person changes…

Peaceful Resolution

• What are your feelings now?
• What is the quality of the energy that you’ll bring to the real-world communication?
• Do you have clarity? Will you need to set a boundary?
• What is your clear and loving intention for the interaction now?

What will you take into the world from this experience?

We like to end an inner theater process by making a connection between the inner world and the outer world.

You may want to imagine that you can draw the final meeting place into your heart, with its feelings of peaceful resolution, and carry that vision of reconnection into your real-world interaction.

It is, of course, a good idea to make notes on the truths that emerged when you spoke from the heart. While you may not say these exact words to the other person, they provide a pure and clear intention that will help you stay on track.

Finally, you may wish to watch for how the symbols or images of reconnection show up in your life in the few days after the process. You may feel drawn to obtaining the real object and may wish to keep it as a symbol of the peaceful resolution you envision. You could even take a real-world version with you to the interaction with the person you’re dealing with. Whether you share it with them or not, the object would be a powerful focus for your peaceful energy and intentions of good will.

Whatever you do, we wish you the best results. We believe that the inner work of dealing with your feelings and envisioning a peaceful resolution is the best and highest offering you can bring to anyone after a conflict.

We wish you much peace.
Jade and Betty

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 15, 2009 at 3:06 pm and is filed under Tutorials. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.